Usapang Pag-aasawa

Magi-isang taon na din mula nang ikasal kami. And commonly, kapag nakikita ako ng mga kaibigan kong matagal kong hindi nakasama, tinatanong nila ako: "Uy, kumusta ang buhay may asawa?" Iisa lang naman palagi ang sagot ko: "Ayun, masaya!" Marahil sa isip nila eh takot lang akong magsabi ng katotohanan regarding married life dahil nasa tabi ko lang si Gold (my wife) at baka bugbugin nya ako; or baka feeling nila eh 'di ako honest enough para mabuhay sa realidad ng buhay na hindi palaging masaya ang married life; or baka iniisip nila na dahil wala pa kaming isang taong magkasama kaya nasasabi ko pang masaya; or baka naga-assume lang ako na naiisip nila ang mga sinabi ko. Well, wala naman akong sinabing "palaging masaya" ang paga-asawa. Aware ako sa challenges ng married life—sa mga away at tampuhan, sa mga iyakan at pagsuyo, sa mga hindi pagkakaunawaan, sa mga hindi tugmang desisyon, sa mga usapang selos, sa mga jokes na nagiging mitsa minsan ng pagkapikon at iba pa. Meron din naman kami nyan. Pero heto ako, sa kabila ng realidad na may mga gusot sa paga-asawa, nagsasabing masaya ang buhay may asawa. BTW, I would like to dedicate this blog post kay Ate Dyna. Thank you for pitching the idea sa topic na ito, Ate! :D


Mr. "Perfect"

Qiqil siguro ang ilan sa title ng post ko dahil sa pagkaka-include ng pang-uring "perfect" doon. Marahil eh bago nyo pa buksan ang post na ito, naisip nyo na na "nobadi is purpek" or "to err is human" or sinabi nyo na din na napakalaki ng ulo ko for saying na purpek ako. Again, wala naman akong sinasabing perfect ako. And I agree naman na walang taong perfect. Walang lalakeng perfect. Walang husband na perfect. Kaya chill lang tayong lahat. Hehehe. Eh ayun naman pala ano, so anong point ko? HAHAHAHA. Diretsuhin na natin. Ang point ko is: para sa mga babaeng naghahanap ng "perfect" partner sa buhay, tumigil na kayo kasi wala kayong mahahanap. At sa mga misis na naghahanap ng perpektong asawa, gumising na kayo sa katotohanan kasi hindi perpekto ang inyong mister. Let us define "perfect" muna. Kapag sinabing perfect ka, you are morally right, you make just judgments, you are without blemish, tamang-tama ang iyong anyo at porma, nasayo na ang lahat ng bagay, you can accomplish anything, hindi ka nagkukulang, you love without fail, you never sin, you're always patient, you're always there everytime someone needs you for anything, you know it all, you treat others more highly than yourself, you hate evil and love what is good, you will never pay evil for evil, and more. Now that's a lot. Lalake ka man o babae, lahat tayo nagkakamali. Lahat tayo nakakagawa ng kasalanan. Lahat tayo nagkukulang. Lahat tayo mahal natin ang mga sarili natin ng sobra to the point na nagiging less of a priority yung mga tao sa paligid natin, including our spouse/family. Lahat ay may kanya-kanyang baho na kahit pilit nating itinatago, alam nating may perpektong Diyos na nakakaalam ng lahat ng ito. Lahat tayo mahilig magtakip ng mga sarili natin sa tuwing nabubuko ang imperfections and mistakes natin, gaya ng ginawang pagtatakip nila Adan at Eba sa mga sarili nila matapos nilang magkasala sa Diyos. As a man and as a husband and as a mere human being, I know na malayo ako sa pagiging perpekto at kailanman sa buhay na ito ay hindi ako magiging perpekto. Pero, ayon sa turo ng Panginoong Hesus, hindi excuse ang imperfection ng man para patuloy tayong magkasala sa Diyos at sa isa't-isa. Ang kalooban ng Panginoon para sa atin is to be perfect as the heavenly Father is perfect. By human effort, this is impossible. But by the grace of God and the working of the Holy Spirit, we shall be able to obey God and His commandments. Since walang perfect na tao at walang perfect na husband, I truly believe that the best person a woman could get as a husband is a godly man.


Eh Bakit Godly Man?

Ano nga bang characteristics ng isang godly na man? Let's discuss a few that comes easily sa mind ko.


1. Theologian

"Wawawow! Pastooor!" I hate to break it to you, pero hindi lang mga pastor ang dapat nagsiseek sa knowledge ng Panginoon. If you claim to love God, then you must seek God and medidate upon His Word. And as the man of the house, I should be the main person in the house to bring God's Word sa loob ng tahanan. And no, hindi lang bilang source ng encouragement sa aking asawa at future na mga anak, but also bilang grounds for rebuke against sin. We must remember na we cannot have hope in this life kung hindi natin kilala ang Panginoon. It is the knowledge of God that secures and guides us sa life, na by knowing Him and His character deeply, we know we are in good hands. How do we know that we must not be worried about anything? Because God is sovereign. How do we know na masama ang pangangalunya? Because God is faithful sa church nya, His bride. How do we know na hindi kami magkukulang sa araw-araw? Because the Lord provides. How do we know that we must follow God's commandments? Because God hates sin. Bilang lalake, if I don't know God and His Word, anong morality ang ituturo ko sa pamilya ko? Anong hope ang ibibigay ko sa kanila? Anong future ang magaguarantee ko for them?

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me. And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.
Hosea 4:6 ESV


2. Standard-bearer

Rules, rules, rules. This is in relation sa naunang characteristic sa itaas. This means na as a man, ako ang maglilead sa pamilya ko sa righteousness and holiness na nirerequire ng Panginoon. Ako, bilang pinuno ng pamilya ko, ang unang-unang kailangang magpractice ng mga pini-preach ko—hindi pwedeng puro salita lang tapos wala namang gawa, hindi rin pwedeng puro kritisismo lang ako sa mali ng iba tapos gagawa din ako ng mali. Hypocrisy 'yon kung ganon. Kung talagang mahal ko ang pamilya ko, kailangan kong idala sila sa source ng buhay: ang Salita ng Diyos. Kung mahal ko talaga ang Panginoon gaya ng sinasabi ko, susundin ko ang kanyang mga utos. And as the husband, the Lord commands me to love my wife just as how Christ loves the church. Kailangan ko ring i-wash yung wife ko ng Word ni God gaya ng ginagawa ni Christ sa church. Hindi ko gagamitin ang Salita ng Diyos para i-justify yung mali kong practices at lalong-lalo nang hindi ko gagamitin ito para abusuhin ang aking asawa at mga anak sa ano mang paraan. Ang sinumang gumawa ng pagti-twist sa Salita ng Diyos ay kagaya ni Satanas sa pagmamanipula ng kautusan ng Diyos. Bilang lalake, kailangan nating malaman na kahit pa tayo ang head ng tahanan, tayo ay under pa rin sa Panginoon. We are not placed above our wives para maging tyrants or bossings kung saan tayo ay mage-establish ng sarili nating rules, bagkus bilang representative ni Christ sa mga pamilya natin at bearers ng standards ng Panginoon. We must love God's law. We must be Christ-like. We must be strong sa Word ng Panginoon. We must be devoted sa page-establish ng Kingdom ng Panginoon sa loob ng tahanan. We must know that by the same standard na ine-establish natin, the Lord will judge us.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 ESV


3. Willing to Die

At dito na sa usapang ito maraming umaatras na lalake. Hehehe. They say chivalry is dead sa panahon ngayon. Well, not for godly Christian men. Learning from history, chivalry came out of Chistian orthodoxy. An interesting story na related dito is yung kwento ng paglubog ng barkong Birkenhead ng UK kung saan 193 out of 643 lamang na pasahero ang naka-survive, and majority of them were women and children. Nung lumubog ito ng taong 1845, they had an evacuation protocol na "women and children first" na sya ding ginamit nila noong lumubog ang barkong Titanic. Sa panahon ng sakuna, men are called to act like men: laying their lives for their wives and children. Thus, every man must be strong and courageous and self-sacrificing, hindi weak, fearful, and self-seeking. The world is teaching men to be weak nowadays by saying that they must love themselves, na they must chase after their own happiness. Sige nga, kung consistent ang mga taong naniniwala sa worldview na 'yon, bakit kapag nambabae yung mga lalake for their own happiness eh nagagalit sila? Bakit kapag yung lalake eh hindi nagpa-upo ng babae sa bus o tren, sasabihing bastos sya? Na kapag yung lalake eh nananakit ng babae, sasabihing bakla sya? Akala ko ba follow your heart? Akala ko ba love yourself? Akala ko ba chase your own happiness? Friends, this is the folly of humanistic worldviews. We've all become self-seeking. We've went away from the knowledge of God, kaya ito, we suffer the foolishness of humanism. The men na dapat sana eh strong, courageous, self-sacrificing, eh nagtatago na ngayon sa likod ng mga babae for salvation. Yung iba, nawalan na lang ng pake at nag-act na lang base sa kung ano ang gusto ng society for them to be. This is how the society has developed men. They've made them the opposite of who they should be. We must repent and bring ourselves sa order ng Panginoon. Let us remember, Christ was willing to die for the salvation of the church out of His perfect love; so should the men put love into practice for the salvation of their families everyday, even sa time ng crisis.

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 ESV


4. Responsible and Provider

Another topic na kontrobersyal sa mga lalake: responsibilidad. Hindi naman nakakatakot ang responsibilidad kung talagang may intensyon kang maging responsable. Pero kung wala ka talagang planong maging responsable, hindi ka talaga magiging responsable. Magiging option lang sayo ang mag-act responsibly. And bukambibig ito ng mga kababaihan against sa mga kalalakihan: na dapat silang maging responsable at hindi maging batugan. I totally agree. Bilang head ng tahanan at bilang isang Kristyano, parte ng headship ng lalake ang magprovide para sa pamilya nya. Kailangan nyang maghanap-buhay upang buhayin ang pamilya nya. Kailangan nyang i-train ang buong tahanan nya na kilalanin ang Diyos. Kailangan nyang i-practice ang pagmamahal sa mga anak nya at maging personal sa kanila. Kailangan nyang ding maging mabuting halimbawa sa kanila. Kailangan nyang maging malakas at matibay. Kailangan nyang mag-provide sa lahat ng areas. Tanong marahil ng ilan ay "paano kung baldado?" Or "paano kung may sakit?" Well, katuwang ng lalake ang misis nya. Kung saan hindi magampanan ng lalake ang role nya, nandon ang asawa nya. Walang pumipigil sa babae na magtrabaho din, as long as hindi napapabayaan ng babae ang kanyang role na godly homemaking. Walang pumipigil sa lalakeng tumulong din sa gawaing bahay whenever possible—and nope, hindi ito sign ng weakness or pagiging "under". Sign ito ng manliness: pagiging responsable sa tahanan at pamilya nya. Tatandaan: hindi chimay ang asawa natin, katuwang natin sila. The Lord has given us everything we need to live responsibly, let's use all that the Lord has given us to bring glory and honor to Him.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 ESV


5. Disciplines in Love

Nowadays, parang mali na ang mamalo ng anak. Well, wala pa naman akong anak pero I thank the Lord na napalo kami ng mga magulang namin noong maliliit pa kami. It was discipline para sa amin. It was correction. And mind you, talagang takot kaming mapalo kaya iniiwasan naming sumuway—somehow. Kung halimbawang magka-away kami ng Kuya ko for a while, bago pa maka-uwi yung Tatay namin from work, magbabati na kami hoping na matatakasan namin yung pamamalo na naka-abang sa amin. Kasi alam naming dadapa na naman kami pagdating nya at makakatikim ng hagupit ng sinturon nyang leather dahil sa katigasan ng ulo namin ng Kuya ko at sa sakit ng ulo na dala namin sa Nanay namin. And syempre, iyakan na naman kami pagkatapos no'n. And what I love so much sa part ng pagdidisiplina sa amin noon is yung reconciliation. Gustong-gusto ko yung comfort na dala ng Nanay ko noon after naming mapalo. Kakausapin nya kami sa malumanay nyang boses asking us sa kung bakit kami napalo, assuring us that our Dad loves us. At kami, itatry naman naming magpaliwanag habang umiiyak. Then she will bring us to our Dad na hindi naman talaga galit, tapos we'll embrace it out. Dad, Ma, I treasure those times na na-disiplina ninyo kami. Salamat po. This brings tears in my eyes to reminisce. The Bible commands us to be angry, but also reminds us to never sin in anger. Hindi masamang magalit. May righteous na anger. Ang mali is yung hindi ka magalit sa unrighteousness. Ang mali is yung i-tolerate mo yung mali. Ang mali is yung hindi ka tumayo sa tama kapag may nangyayaring mali. Ang mali is yung iwasan ang disiplina at diskusyon dahil ayaw mong umiyak yung anak mo or magtalo kayo ng asawa mo. Again, both the man and the woman and their children are under God's authority. His standards must govern the family, and yung standards na 'yon dapat ang umiiral hanggang sa paga-away ng mag-asawa at sa pagdidisiplina. Ang totoong peace ay mararating ng buong pamilya kapag lahat ng miyembro ay nagpasailalim sa order ng Panginoon.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs13:24 ESV


6. Protector

Sabi nila eh "blood is thicker than water". Sa scientific sense, this is correct. Sa idiomatic na sense, this is evil. Ano, kakampihan ko na lang yung pamilya ko kahit na mali ang ginagawa nila? Ano, ide-defend ko na lang sila kahit na they're going against the will of God? Kaninong approval ba ang dapat nating isini-seek? Approval ng man o ng Diyos? Men must be protective. And nope, this does not mean protector at defender ng evil. Sin is sin. Sin is evil. Again, being the standard-bearer ng Law ng Panginoon sa tahanan eh I must be consistent din na i-obey ang Panginoon. This means that I must also hate sin gaya ng paghe-hate Nya sa sin. Hindi dahil anak ko, kukunsintihin ko. Hindi dahil "the right one for me" ang asawa ko eh lagi na syang tama. Hindi din porke narinig mong sinabi nilang "happy wife, happy life" eh basta ibigay mo lang yung happiness ng asawa mo kahit mali. Lahat kailangang dumaan, masuri sa standard ng Panginoon. It will be God's Word that shall illuminate our paths toward righteousness. So yes, men must be protective of their families: protective na ma-corrupt sila ng sin (in relation sa discipline kanina) or ma-damage sila ng evils na dala ng mundo. Also, men, especially fathers and husbands, must be protectors—not abusers of women and children. Inuulit ko: men must be protectors and not abusers. We must keep them from evil, not encourage evil upon them nor encourage them upon evil. We must keep them from harm, not lead harm to them nor lead them to harm. We must not be the ones na nagtuturo sa kanila ng hatred for people and selfishness, but we must be the ones teaching them to love and sacrifice for others just as the Lord commands. We lead by example. We must protect them from becoming like the world. Let us be responsible watchmen over our families.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 ESV


7. Perseverance

Regardless sa panahon, krisis man o kasaganahan, kahirapan man o kayamanan, kaguluhan man o kapayapaan, hindi nagbabago ang role ng isang godly na lalake. And because we are called to be strong, to be firm, to be full of faith sa Panginoon, to be self-sacrificing for our families, hindi dapat tayo basta-bastang sumusuko; lalong-lalo nang hindi dapat tayo ang unang sumusuko. We must remain faithful pa rin sa Lord in doing righteous works, hindi yung kapag nagka-gipitan na, biglang magnanakaw or manlalamang ka na lang din. Darating at darating talaga ang test ng faith. And bilang head ng tahanan, malaki ang role ng lalake upang masustain ang pamilya nya. Sa mga panahong ganito, pwedeng umiyak, pero 'wag dapat tayong duwag na harapin ang bawat bukas. Panginoon ang naglagay sayo sa kung nasaan ka ngayon, Sya din ang maga-alis sayo diyan. Have faith, my bro! Sa standards ng mundo, parang sign ng weakness ang manalangin sa Diyos para humingi ng saklolo. Well, it's just right to think that without God, we truly are weak. For who provides our strength, our help, our protection, our daily bread, our abilities, our knowlegde, our money, our salvation? Ang Panginoon din naman. We are nothing without the sovereign God who has all the power and authority and capacity to sustain His entire creation. So it may be weakness sa part ng godly man to pray sa mata ng mundo, pero for him, God is his strength. We are mere mortals na ang hininga ay na sa ilong lamang and to trust in the Lord in all our ways in nothing but practical wisdom from the Lord. If a man is very much anxious sa life, then he must seek God more and know Him deeper. God wants us not be anxious, but to be prayerful, to be dependent sa Kanya. Perseverance is a fruit of the Spirit, it comes with faith sa Panginoon and His power—hindi ayon sa sarili nating lakas o diskarte. A godly man who perseveres will live victoriously sa life because God is with Him, and kasama nya ang pamilya nya sa bawat panalangin.

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:31-34 ESV


8. Loves Truly

And we're down to this last item sa list. And iniisip nyo siguro: "eh, ang dali naman nyan, nilista mo pa dito." Sorry, pero ito nga yung pinakamahirap sa lahat eh. This is the general call ng lalake sa asawa nya: ang mahalin sya. And yes, this includes yung pagko-correct sa kanya, yung page-equip sa kanya, yung intindihin sya, yung maging gentle sa kanya. At may pattern na ang man sa kung paano nya dapat mahalin ang kanyang asawa: si Hesus. Gaya ng kung paano minahal ni Christ ang church, ganon din exactly dapat mahalin ng lalake ang kanyang asawa. Bilang mister, wala talaga akong takas kundi ang mahalin talaga ang aking misis. Jesus says I must love my neighbor—and my wife is my closest neighbor. Tapos 'pag nag-away man kami, sabi din ni Jesus na I must love my enemy. So wala talaga akong choice but to love my wife sa kahit anong sitwasyon. Dinagdagan pa ni Apostle Paul ng "let all be done in love" sa 1 Corinthians. This warrants me to love her even during disagreements or inis. And sa tingin mo pa rin, madali ito? Let's do a quick check. The Bible defines love in 1 Corinthians 13 as patient and kind; does not envy or boast; not arrogant or rude; does not insist on its own way; not irritable or resentful; does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things; and it never ends. Am I truly patient sa asawa ko? Kapag ba may paulit-ulit syang tinatanong, nagpapakita ba ako ng patience? Kapag ba nakakagawa sya ng mali, napa-practice ko ba ang patience in forgiveness and understanding? Oh my. Unang item pa lang, bagsak na ako. Wala pa ako sa kind. And looking at the long list, mukhang lalo akong mahihiya sa klase ng pag-ibig na kaya kong i-offer sa asawa ko. Indeed, malayong-malayo ako from being perfect. Indeed, I need to repent more and aim to be more Christ-like daily by the grace of God. Yet, ito yung call ng mga lalake sa mga asawa nila: to love them just as how Christ loves His church. Parang ang dali lang, ano? Pero ang hirap. Kaya gustong-gusto ko yung kanta ni Johnoy Danao na "Ikaw at Ako" eh kasi napakatotoo nung linya don sa lyrics nya na "kay daling sabihin, kay hirap gawin."

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Ephesians 5:25-30 ESV


There it is! Congrats for reaching this far. Hehehe. This has been a long post. Tanong din nila sa akin noon, "Bakit mo naman naisipang mag-asawa?" Well, ang sagot: gusto kong lalong makilala ang Panginoon and makita yung power Nya sa buhay ko. And the married life showed me that exactly. I have learned so much since our wedding day. Akala ko noon, responsible na ako. Akala ko noon, Christ-like na ako. Ang layo ko pa pala. Andami pa palang kailangang adjustments sa akin. And the Lord has been gracious sa akin. My wife who is meek and humble and patient and kind is God's daily grace to me. The Lord is indeed good. And married life is indeed wonderful. You must be thinking: ang hirap naman palang maging godly na man. Dami namang requirements ni God sa Biblical manhood/fatherhood/husbandhood. Well, mahirap nga talaga. And we'll only be capable of obeying God through the help of the Holy Spirit. Pray to God for help na ma-accomplish mo ang pagiging butihing asawa/ama/lalake sa iyong pamilya. Love the Lord, love your wives, remembering that we reap what we sow. May the grace of God be upon you, friends.